I Never Thought of That
One night while reading Neil Pasricha’s book, The Happiness Equation, I came across this statement on page 37: “I started realizing that external goals didn’t help me become a better person. Only internal goals did.” This was an extremely profound thought to me. I stared at the page, read the words over and over and digested the message. It made complete sense to me and yet I had never ever thought of it.
I am by nature a goal-oriented person; give me a goal and I will reach it. I love the challenge of seeing how well I can do. I think that’s why I competed in horse shows, Toastmasters speech contests and then started The Royal Conservatory of music piano exams. And the prizes? Yes, I loved them, too. I saved every ribbon I won at the horse shows and I have a nice collection of trophies from the speech contests. When I passed the RCM Preparatory A exam, I printed off the certificate and put it in my file folder for safe keeping.
But prizes, awards, accolades and achievements, while nice to have, were momentary successes in time only and had nothing to do with who I was as a person. Aside from the time, effort and work I put into them they were not a true reflection of who I was (or wasn’t) as a person.
Never had I considered setting an internal goal. Goals were always external – a target to reach or a measurement to achieve. Goals were “seen;” they were extrinsic, not intrinsic. Or were they?
That was about to change.
For all of us who have had a significant other, you know how the “other half” can drive you crazy. My Dave is no exception, but this isn’t about him, it’s about me.
In January 2025, Dave did something that really ticked me off (may as well be honest, right?). When camping reservations opened for Waterton National Park, Dave, as usual, made our reservation, but instead of booking us five days (like he did in 2024) he booked us three. I didn’t realize this until later when I looked at the reservation and by the time the error was discovered, it was too late to change it (there were no other sites available for that length of time). As it takes us a day to drive there, along with a thousand dollars in gas for the entire trip, I was livid and really took Dave to task for ruining our annual Rocky Mountain vacation. I was so disappointed that I allowed it to ruin my whole day. He hadn’t done it on purpose; he just wasn’t paying attention. A couple days later Lake Louise opened up and he got us three nights there so we’d have two National Parks to visit instead of one and he got us shuttle tickets to the gorgeous Moraine Lake (where I have never been). I had allowed my emotions to take over about Waterton instead of taking a breath and giving myself time to think. After all, no one was dying here and the sun was still going to rise in the morning. It wasn’t long after that that I read Neil’s book and I set an internal goal to become a better person by trying not to let these minor issues become big ones and work on taking things more in stride instead of letting myself get into a tizzy. This is a much better goal than a trophy, don’t you think? I do.
What external achievements are you most proud of?
Is the concept of an internal goal new for you?
Is there one internal goal you would like to set for yourself?
Recommended Resources
- The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha
Monthly Challenge
Take a few minutes for personal reflection and think about an internal goal you would like to set for yourself. Share it with a trusted friend or family member who would keep you accountable for one month.