I Am (Part 1)
“Tara S.” – I still remember her name. I wouldn’t recognize her if I passed her at the mall or the park, but her name is ingrained in my mind, even after many, many years. Why? She was my childhood bully. I was in Grade Six (referred to as “Elementary School”) and she was in Junior High. Tara went to the school across the street from mine and for whatever reason, she had her sights set on me. She would repeatedly look for me and find me at my school trying to intimidate me and make me scared of her by. She succeeded; I was afraid of her and I tried to avoid her as best I could. She left a lasting impression.
Fast forward to being an adult when I experienced adult bullying. You may know how this type of bullying works; a group of people have their favorite (hint: it wasn’t me) and they formed a coalition against me, essentially acting like a group of kids playing in the sandbox who say, “We don’t like you and we’re not going to play nice with you.” To say they were unkind is an understatement, and like Tara, they left a lasting impression.
These types of behaviors are designed to do one thing – they send a message to the recipient that they are not worthy. I don’t remember how I dealt with Tara other than avoiding her, and the situation eventually resolved itself and she faded out of sight. With the adult bullies, I took a different approach. I literally stood in front of a full-length mirror and told myself, “I am worth knowing, I am worth talking to, I am worth spending time with and I am worth being friends with. I have intrinsic worth simply by the fact that I exist.” That was one way I saw myself through that situation. Little did I know then, that I stumbled on a very important phrase – “I Am.”
Fast forward to September 2025 when I took a “Thoughts on Demand” course with ICF PCC Coach, Paul Boehnke, on our inner critic and I read his book by the same title, Thoughts on Demand, where he touched on the importance of “I Am.” You see, “I Am” speaks to our identity. Bullying can lead to an inner critic that whispers, “You’re no good,” “Nobody likes you,” “You don’t fit in,” and “You won’t be successful,” whereas “I Am” leads to thoughts such as, “I am capable,” “I am able to make my own decisions,” and “I am a unique and special person with lots to offer the world.” When you shift from an inner critic thought (which often sounds like being a victim) to “I Am” you shift to a place of confidence and then you can move forward. “I Am” made a huge difference for me!
As if Paul’s course/book wasn’t enough confirmation that I was on the right track with “I Am,” in November 2025 I took a Masterclass titled Leaders Coaching Teams with Jacqueline Almeida. On Day 1 she said, “How we see ourselves is how we act. How we act is an extension of our identity.” Then she went on the share some leadership “I Am” statements such as “I am a ________________ leader [inspiring, wise, thoughtful, honest].” The light bulb went on and I connected her message with Paul’s.
“I Am” is powerful – it is your identity and how you see yourself. If you have been mistreated or bullied by others, know that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you, and stand tall and be confident knowing who you are!
Recommended Resources
- Book – Thoughts on Demand by Paul Boehnke – available on Amazon.
- For more about Paul and his offerings visit his website at https://paulboehnke.com/
Monthly Challenge
Pick an inner critic thought you’ve noticed yourself thinking and write down an “I Am” statement you can use to counter it and help move you forward. Then, while standing, say the inner critic thought out loud, take a few steps to the side (as if stepping over an imaginary line) and say out loud your new “I Am” thought. What is your emotional response?